Holistic Bonfire

Suruchi Saini, MA, LPC, CCTP, TMHP, CYT

Relationships

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~ Self-Care, a must investment – Part I ~

Meditation & Stress Management Workshop at Cardio Metabolic Institute, Somerset, NJ
Meditation & Stress Management Workshop at Cardio Metabolic Institute, Somerset, NJ

When we have an aching tooth, we’ll usually visit the dentist and have it taken care of. If we feel flu symptoms coming on, we’ll typically go to the doctor and get antibiotics. So when we feel stressed, anxious, or depressed, why is it that we so often do nothing to help ourselves, or if we do, why do we usually wait until the burden is nearly too much to bear rather than taking preventative measures?

We often cite a lack of time or the feeling of selfishness as reasons for not tending to our emotional and mental needs, but self-care is neither narcissistic nor does it have to be a big time commitment. While juggling work with raising kids, for example, can make it hard to fit in personal time, it’s an essential ingredient to good overall health.

Self-care is an important factor in maintaining stable relationships, creating a balance between your rational mind and your emotional mind, and boosting your self-confidence and self-esteem, and it’s vital for your mental and physical well-being.

The benefits of practicing self-care are numerous and substantial, and there are plenty of things we can do on a daily basis to help ourselves before the metaphorical weight on our shoulders, our hearts, and our minds threatens to crush us.

In conjunction with my 12-week Mediation & Stress Management program at the Cardio Metabolic Institute in NJ, this post and the next two will provide you with habits you can incorporate into your day-to-day routine in an effort to minimize your negative energy and set you on the course to a happier and healthier life.

The first ten habits cost nothing, and are good investments of little time and effort for life:

  1. Take a timeout. Spend thirty minutes, by yourself, doing something you enjoy that’s in no way related to work, family, or social obligations. If you are a very busy person then you need to practice this for 40 minutes. Yes that’s what’s needed.
  2. Find a quiet place, either at home or in nature, sit in a comfortable position, close your eyes, and focus solely on your breath. If you feel distracted, redirect your mind by saying “Oh Well” as many times as you need to. With the time, the gap between “Oh Wells” will decrease just keep trying.
  3. Write in a journal. Take few minutes daily to write what ever come to your mind without stopping the pen. No need to articulate or correct yourself, just keep writing your thoughts/emotions/words. Also, jot down something you like about yourself, something you accomplished, and something for which you are grateful.
  4. Power nap. Lower the lid on your laptop, turn your cell phone to silent, and snooze for twenty to thirty minutes. People who take power naps, process information better; have better memory & focus, and are less stressed.
  5. Escape in the latest fantasy book, romance novel, or an autobiography of a person you admire, your local library recently added to its shelves. When we read something that we enjoy, various parts of the brain get activated which release the “happy chemicals”
  6. De-clutter your internal & external environment. Since external seems easier for most people, let’s start with your pocketbook/wallet; your kitchen; your car; your desk and then of course select a few items from your closet or your drawers that you haven’t used in a year or two and donate them to Goodwill. For internal cleansing Meditation is a good start, its totally worth it.
  7. Practice yoga in its completeness. Yoga has eight Limbs. However you may start with the third limb as it is more popular in the West, called Asnas, the physical/exercise part of Yoga. It is important that you do under a guidance of a Guru or a teacher. If you don’t know about sun salutation or downward facing dog, YouTube is a wonderful source for information.
  8. Give yourself credit. When you succeed at something, major or minor, pat yourself on the back and tell yourself you did a great job, start talking to your brain.
  9. Go for a stroll. Whether it’s around your block or through the woods, walk at a pace that’s relaxing and comfortable. Make sure your head is straight while walking and that you are wearing appropriate shoes. Walking posture needs to be accurate.
  10. Watch the sunrise/sunset. Life depends on the Sun. Wherever you are, try to observe the sunrise, it gives you energy to go on with the day. When Sun sets, it calms you down and prepares your body’s natural rhythm to go back to sleep.

Look for the next blog post, which will have ten more recommendations for how to practice self-care.

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Ready for self-care?

Suruchi Saini, MA, LPC, NCC, CCTPHappy Valentine’s day!!

I hope you are enjoying this day which reminds us about the importance of love and affection in our lives, whether that comes from a partner; friend; parent; child; or anybody close to us!!

Self-care is even more important today as mental & physical illnesses are on the rise. Whether people are diagnosed or not, they usually know when they are not doing well, and/or are unableMeditation and Stress Management Workshop With Suruchi Saini to achieve their personal/professional goals. Making commitment to self-care by investing 1-2 hrs/week will make you calm, happy and less guilty for not doing what you are probably preaching or expecting from others around you. Think!

Give yourself permission to do something life changing for yourself with sincerity. Take some time out of your life for yourself!

Today, I am taking this opportunity to share with you that by loving myself lead me to the path of self-care. As a result, I designed Meditation and Stress Management Workshop – a 12 week program consisting of activity based weekly workshops focusing on Mind, Body & Spirit spectrum!!

To make it convenient for all of us, the workshops will be held on Sunday afternoons!

Click here for more details about the workshops. Please share this information with family, friends, clients, or anybody who may benefit. To sign-up please reply to this email or call at 732-846-7000 x 152.

Feel free to mail me should you have any question.

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10 tips for parenting the right way!

Suruchi Saini, MA, LPC, NCC, CCTPMost of us will agree that raising children can be incredibly difficult, perhaps the most difficult task in life. We know that all children are different—from each other as well as from their parents, even if they share some of the genetic makeup of both sets of Grandparents, Mom, Dad, Sister, or Brother. There is no set way to raise children, no one parenting style that works for every parent and every child. There are, however, tips that professionals and parents alike deem reliable and valuable in most scenarios, with most children.

  1. Respect the child. Every child is an individual first and then our child. We need to respect that individuality. Of course we are related to them; we take care of them because we bring them in this world. Instead of giving commands to them to turn into somebody that we are familiar with, we simply need to embrace them as who they are. Please make sure that we guide them according to their needs, not ours.
  2. Set a Good Example. While the nature versus nurture debate will likely never be settled, it cannot be denied that the way we raise our children has a large effect on how the children turn out. Children learn from what they see, especially when they are very young, and they are great imitators. It is important for parents to model the traits we would like to see in our children.
  3. Reward Children for Being Good. It is all too easy to catch children misbehaving and then react accordingly—usually by scolding or punishing them. A more effective approach, however, is to take notice when children are doing something right or good and then praise them for that behavior. Positive reinforcement results in continued positive actions.
  4. Spend Time with Your Children. We are often busy with work, trying to get food on the table, cleaning the house, running errands, etc., but it is important for children to know their parents are willing to make time for them. Sometimes we need to re-organize their social/professional engagements, sleep schedules and personal time in order to be involved in our children’s lives.
  5. Create and Uphold Rules. Teaching a child at a young age how to behave appropriately will enable that child to know how to behave later in life. With young kids especially, we should know where they are, who they are with, and what they are doing.
  6. Be Consistent. Rules need to stay the same each day, and they should be routinely enforced. Children can become confused when rules depend on which parent is administering them and if they vary on a daily or weekly basis.
  7. Provide Presence Instead of Presents. Children benefit more from (positive) attention, praise, love, and doing activities than they do from receiving material items. If we are away often or for extended periods of time, we need to make a point to be more involved in our children’s lives rather than merely offer toys, games, and treats in their place.
  8. Allow Children to be Independent. While children need direction and parental guidance, they also need to learn from making mistakes and be comfortable in doing things without any assistance. We always need to provide support but also let the children take control of their own lives and take responsibility for their own actions. Once in a while ask them how to solve a certain problem. You’ll be surprised that they can come up with such a simple solutions that we adults can’t even think of. Try!
  9. Avoid Harsh Punishment. Nobody should never use physical violence to correct a child’s behavior, no matter how egregious the child’s actions may be. Considerable evidence shows a correlation between children who are hit, slapped, or spanked by their parents, have increased likelihood of fighting with other children and being aggressive later in life. According to Neuroscience studies, it damages them for life.
  10. Mold Your Parenting to Fit Your Child. Every child learns differently and develops at a different rate. Children will most benefit from parenting styles that are personalized to fit their unique requirements, especially as they age and their needs change.

 Let’s not forget to take care of ourselves as well. Also, we need to continue to grow along with our growing children. There have been ample studies to prove that the children of stressed out and anxious parents suffer with many emotional, behavioral and social problems, especially when children are in their teens and in their mid 40s-50s. Be the source of love; comfort; wisdom & safety for your children!

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Are you restless and overwhelmed but have no idea why?

Relaxation

There’s a high chance you’re suffering from anxiety internally even though you are functioning fine externally. Stop living the dual life and working hard for two people when you have energy and resources only for one.

What is anxiety?

Anxiety is state of feeling emotionally and behaviorally frustrated, restless, overwhelmed and tense. Most of us suffer from at least one symptom of anxiety such as lacking the ability to focus, having disturbed sleep, having a fear of failure, lacking the ability to socialize and to have positive relationships, etc.

How is anxiety manifested?

Self-doubt sets in, and maintaining personal, professional and social relationships becomes challenging. It becomes easy to forget minor and major things, and blanking out frequently occurs. This leads to an inability to retain new information or readily learn new skills.

Physical issues start to occur, and there is typically an increase in migraines, headaches, back pain and exhaustion. Breathing often becomes irregular, and sometimes digestive issues can set in.

Emotions become tenuous as well, and sensitivity to criticism becomes heightened. Living a contented life is no longer possible.

Common disorders related to anxiety:

  • Generalize Anxiety Disorder (GAD): The act of worrying about almost everything in life, even without any specific reasons. People who suffer from GAD may frequently visit the doctor, complaining of multiple ailments, but test results yield nothing.
  • Panic Disorder: Having surges of very intense fear—at least one attack a month—without stimuli. Some examples of attacks are a pounding or skipping heartbeat, chest discomfort, trembling, hot/cold flashes, breathlessness, sweating and numbness.
  • Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD): Having unwanted thoughts, images and impulses that must be acted upon like washing hands, cleaning, checking locks, re-arranging furniture, over-exercising, etc.

What can be done?

We don’t have to live with these symptoms, nor do we have to suffer with the frustration of not achieving personal and professional goals. We don’t have to doubt ourselves and our potential simply because we are unable to access it again due to anxiety, and we don’t have to agree with others who say we can’t be successful.

I’m fully aware that eradicating anxiety is a process and will take a considerable amount of time and effort. The earlier we start, the better. We can make small changes and move at a gradual pace.

Over the years, I have seen people make huge changes by investing only a small amount of time, say, two to four hours per month. Many clients have mentioned that reaching out for help and spending about two to four hours per month has been “one of the best investments of time and money”.

I believe we all have the potential, intelligence, wisdom and resources needed to achieve our goals. Due to our own limitations, however, we’re unable to explore them. Once we do, the sky is the limit.

To reach the sky, you must fly—carefully but fearlessly. Anxiety is one of the biggest hindrances to being fearless, so get rid of it as soon as possible.

If anxiety is plaguing your life and holding you back, you can diminish your suffering by investing only two to four hours each month. Those few hours might be the most beneficial to your overall happiness and well-being.

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Our incomplete devotion?

Suruchi Saini, MA, LPC, NCC, CCTP

Does the word “devotion” exist in our minds only in relation with the higher-self or God? If so, I believe it is incomplete.

My Introduction to the Word “Devotion”

While growing up, I remember family, friends, and visitors talking about my father’s devotion to the cause in which he believed. Many people used the same word on the day he un-timely passed away, and even years after he was gone. That was my introduction to the word “devotion”.

As a child, I thought I simply loved my father’s love for me. But now I know that more than the love he had for me, I most loved his qualities of devotion and passion. After his death, I kept looking for people with similar qualities. Fortunately, while growing up in India and traveling to other countries, I was afforded opportunities to meet numerous people who were devoted: to their families, their work, their communities, social causes, science, arts, academia, medicine, and more. They continuously inspired me and helped me keep my father alive in my mind.

In the past few years, however, while working as a therapist and a speaker, I have been feeling that our devotion is subtly getting lost, especially to our relationships. On one hand, we intend to provide to our relationships more than what we can, which is admirable, but the relationships we have with our family members, our communities, and the larger cosmos seem to be losing depth. We are making visible progress in areas like technology, housing, cars, foods, etc., but we seem to be quietly getting depleted of qualities like devotion, authenticity, integrity, wellness, and morality.

I believe we need to slow down, self-reflect, and process where we stand in our relationships, understand our loss of devotion as individuals and as communities, and take steps to bring devotion back into our relationships.

We are capable of exhibiting devotion, but we need to access it more and mindfully direct it to our relationships. Can we do that?