Holistic Bonfire

Suruchi Saini, MA, LPC, CCTP, TMHP, CYT

Mindfulness

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Our incomplete devotion?

Suruchi Saini, MA, LPC, NCC, CCTP

Does the word “devotion” exist in our minds only in relation with the higher-self or God? If so, I believe it is incomplete.

My Introduction to the Word “Devotion”

While growing up, I remember family, friends, and visitors talking about my father’s devotion to the cause in which he believed. Many people used the same word on the day he un-timely passed away, and even years after he was gone. That was my introduction to the word “devotion”.

As a child, I thought I simply loved my father’s love for me. But now I know that more than the love he had for me, I most loved his qualities of devotion and passion. After his death, I kept looking for people with similar qualities. Fortunately, while growing up in India and traveling to other countries, I was afforded opportunities to meet numerous people who were devoted: to their families, their work, their communities, social causes, science, arts, academia, medicine, and more. They continuously inspired me and helped me keep my father alive in my mind.

In the past few years, however, while working as a therapist and a speaker, I have been feeling that our devotion is subtly getting lost, especially to our relationships. On one hand, we intend to provide to our relationships more than what we can, which is admirable, but the relationships we have with our family members, our communities, and the larger cosmos seem to be losing depth. We are making visible progress in areas like technology, housing, cars, foods, etc., but we seem to be quietly getting depleted of qualities like devotion, authenticity, integrity, wellness, and morality.

I believe we need to slow down, self-reflect, and process where we stand in our relationships, understand our loss of devotion as individuals and as communities, and take steps to bring devotion back into our relationships.

We are capable of exhibiting devotion, but we need to access it more and mindfully direct it to our relationships. Can we do that?

 

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Anger Management with Mindfulness

Suruchi Saini, MA, LPC, NCC, CCTPWhat is Anger?

First, let’s understand what is Anger. Anger is considered one of the primary emotions along with Happiness, Fear, Love, and Sadness. Anger is a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility. As human beings, we will feel this emotion every now and then just like any other emotion. Its a common problem among us no matter who we are, and which developmental stage of life we are in. Few reasons that make us angry are:

  • unable to express ourselves
  • can’t stand up for ourselves
  • can’t say “No” appropriately
  • feel defeated
  • feel insufficient
  • feel rejected
  • feel disrespected

It is important to understand the three ways that we manifest anger before we learn to manage it with the help of Mindfulness:

  1. Physical expression:  muscles tensing, racing  heart, having high blood pressure, and breathing heavily
  2. Cognitive expression: Perceiving and thinking about our experiences in inappropriate ways, feeling of unfairness or that wrong was done to us (“I deserved better”)
  3. Behavioral expression: Slamming doors, clenching fists, raising our voice, or any other threatening gesture

There is nothing wrong with feeling angry due to a real or perceived negative action of others, after all it is a primary emotion. However, the inability to recognize anger and manage it appropriately (response vs reaction) is unacceptable. This emotion surfaces whenever there is a trigger in our surrounding. We have to figure out a way to recognize these triggers (and their root causes). Mindfulness can surely help!!

Mindfulness

Do you ever wonder how certain individuals remain calm or in control? I can tell you that those people have been practicing Mindfulness as a tool to respond to their triggers along with other coping skills. They have also made mindful efforts to build their self-esteem. We can do that as well!

Practicing mindfulness is being aware of ourselves, our surroundings and others; it’s one of the best tools to keep calm and stay in control. Read more about Mindfulness in my previous blog.

Being mindful we understand the difference between our reaction or response to any trigger. An example of a response, when angry instead of flipping out or harming ourselves or others, we can remove ourselves from the situation or/and  talk to a reliable person. We feel better while venting and eventually can focus on our problems, dissect them, and find solutions. On the other hand, when we mindlessly react, we loose control on ourselves and eventually the situation makes us angrier. Many cases of accidents, road rage, crime, abuse, or violence are result of mismanaged anger. We can manage it by practicing Mindfulness in our daily lives.

Mindfulness helps us get in touch with ourselves and recognizing that we may not be managing the emotion of anger. If you have already recognized it then you will want to know what are the triggers causing anger. Once you are clear, start working on yourself Mindfully. Look for antidotes for your triggers, reach out for help, and practice mindfulness by slowing down; observing; meditating and remembering to use coping skills until they become your habit.

Feel free to email me if you have any questions or comments.

 

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Interpersonal Skills with Mindfulness

Suruchi Saini, MA, LPC, NCC, CCTP

Interpersonal skills (IS) is an art form where you learn how to get along with others whether you are at work, school, home, or with friends. Some people can naturally get along with others and the rest can learn with some support and practice. It is important to be aware of yourself and your surroundings to be able to use your IS appropriately.

That’s where Mindfulness comes in handy! Let’s take a quick look at few benefits of IS.

Benefits of Interpersonal Skills (IS)

The benefits of Interpersonal Skills (IS) will make you do the following:

  • Feel comfortable to express your feelings, beliefs, and principles.
  • Present yourself verbally, mentally, and physically.
  • More open to give and receive compliments
  • Have better boundaries, especially the ability to say, “No” when needed
  • Easily resolve problems and have better ability to work with the consequences.
  • Respect yourself more. People around you take notice and will likely do the same.
  • Less fearful of making friends, meeting acquaintances, networking, facing interviews and above all seeking help when needed.
  • Improve relationships and provide the much needed support in  your personal as well as your professional lives.

Regular Practice of IS with Mindfulness

With Mindfulness, you’ll be able to recognize your feelings and of others especially in an unhealthy environment. Mindful IS helps you to be a good listener. I believe  that most of the people just want to be heard. If you genuinely listen to them, you will win them for good!

When you use IS mindfully, you have more chances to respond than to react, to stay in control and not get too stressed. You’ll be aware of your strengths and weaknesses which can support you to stay open- minded to learn and share at the same time. Mindfulness helps you to be assertive and teachers you when to appropriately use silence.

In other words, when we regularly practice Interpersonal Skills with Mindfulness, it doesn’t remain limited to “being a skill”; it becomes a habit which eventually becomes a way of life and second nature.

Start working on it and Re-discover yourself!

Want to brainstorm ideas or have questions? Contact me!

 

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Exploring Holistic Living

Women's group on June 10 2015

On June 10, 2015, an event was hosted by Bijay Minhas, LCSW where I had an opportunity to meet a group of wonderful women who in spite of their busy schedules as partners; mothers; colleagues; boss; caretaker; friend, got together in Morris Plains, NJ. Together we explored, learned, and shared how and what we can do to rise higher to take care of ourselves first and to help our near and dear ones. The group was very enthusiastic and very interested in “Holistic Living”. I admire them for who they are!!!

We discussed the three states of human mind Tamas (dark, ignorant), Rajas (active, pleasure seeking), Sattva (most powerful, peaceful), and how having knowledge about them can reduce daily psychological, family, and social stresses.

Benefits of meditation

We discussed how meditation can help almost everyone to have more clarity about our thoughts and actions and its effect on ourselves and others around us; to control our mind; to discipline ourselves; to know ourselves; to identify our real priorities; to make realistic goals and take appropriate steps to achieve them, while remaining unattached to them so that we don’t lose our real identity.

Yes goals are important but when we are not at peace from within; we tend to lose our spiritual selves in them or get too attached to them, we feel internal turbulence which eventually starts showing up in all our actions and relationships. In that state of mind, if we happen to succeed in achieving our goals somehow, we may feel pleasure for short term but happiness will continue to elude us.

We also discussed how transitions and traumas make us vulnerable. When we are mindful of our thoughts and actions, and are constantly working on them during daily meditations and self-reflections, we take steps to make it easy to get through them. However when we are on the autopilot or take mindless actions, we become part of the damage-brigade.

Meditation leads to mental and emotional cleansing; recharges our batteries; makes us more patient; helps us find peace and happiness within ourselves which means mental, emotional, spiritual, and social freedom. Above all, meditation helps us to be more accepting; less expecting; more forgiving, and be less judgmental of ourselves and others around us.

Individual and collective evolution will happen any ways. When we are mindful, the process is empowering but when we are mindless, the process becomes exhausting. The choice is ours.

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We, the caretakers of children

Suruchi Saini, MA, LPC, NCC, CCTP

I am not blind to the fact that due to certain rules, at times it’s challenging to discipline few students but we (parents and teachers together) can still help! Yes we need to be even more mindful of our thoughts, actions, words, expectations, stressors, anxieties, personal and professional conflicts. There has to be clear and mindful coordination between parents and teachers.

It breaks my heart when I see a few parents and teachers blaming each other for so called “out of control kids”. However, in this miscommunication, kids suffer the most  in their childhood as well as in their adulthood.

The Busy Syndrome

Situations like these raise the question, “what happened in past few decades and how did these kids reached this stage?” Kids are like a little sponge, and they are learning from all of the adults around them. Are you too busy to talk to them? If you are, then my next question is, “What are you doing that you are busy?” Maybe you’re earning to support “the family”. But what if there is no family bonding left to enjoy because you are busy earning money?

In many cases, parents don’t have a chance to plan the resources such as mental, emotional, social, and financial before getting married or having children. Who do you blame for this situation? Do you blame your parents, grandparents, teachers, the economy, or the president? Perhaps it’s the simple, mindless, lifestyle over generations which possibly is the result of misplaced priorities. This is always a topic for provocative discussion with parents.

What can you do to break this cycle?

Now that children are present in the family, do we want to turn them into adults like the majority of present day adults? Not really. Again, we have to break this cycle.

Here are some things you can do:

  • Start talking to them and spend quality time with them
  • share with them the positive history of family members
  • teach them how to manage their needs and desires
  • relationships
  • time
  • finances
  • environment

They also have to learn to think, talk, focus, and reach out to resources which can help them produce quality thoughts.

Become a Mindful Leader

At home, the head of the family is the leader. In a classroom, the teacher is the leader and in school the Principal is the leader. A leader has to have a vision, a plan, and the ability to share with the members of her/his respective group. When we stand alone (check ego), at times we feel helpless. But when we think like a leader, we always find someone out of the group, to share our concerns or seek help from to stay on the right track.

If you grew up without a leader at home or school, seek brief help. Get your power back and become the leader yourself. Your inner self (present and future), family, friends, and team members will be grateful to you! Break the cycle of uncertainty and stress. Let’s try to create high quality environments and great leaders within our homes and schools!

I am practicing Mindfulness and ready to bring the change, are you?

Ask me if you have any questions.