Holistic Bonfire

Suruchi Saini, MA, LPC, CCTP, TMHP, CYT

Anger Management

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~ Sense of taste ~

Sense of Taste

Would you agree that most of us eat our food in a rush these days without thinking about the consequences? If yes, then you may also agree that as a result, we seem to be losing touch with our sense of taste, in its authentic form. However it’s reversible and we can actually use this sense to relax; feel better by giving ourselves a break in between two tasks or precisely give our brain a pause in between a trigger and a response.

How it works
Have your favorite food handy around you when possible. Simply sit at a comfortable place, have your favorite food ready in front of you. Now first notice the color of the food; then its temperature; its texture; its aroma, and don’t forget to be grateful for it. Now put the food in your mouth and chew it slowly by letting it roll in different parts of your mouth. The whole idea is to pay attention to what you are eating; how you are eating, while cherishing the food and distracting from your stressor at the same time. Also, note the kind of feelings or thoughts emerge when you are eating. All these steps using sense of taste will help you to be more aware and relax for few minutes so that later you can be more attentive.

On a side note, I can’t stop myself from mentioning that let’s try our best to have something that we like and which is also healthy. When we eat something unhealthy, it makes us feel guilty later on. That’s definitely not the purpose of this exercise. Also, research shows that when we are stressed, we crave for sugar and fried food. Precisely, that is the time when we should avoid eating junk food because our body is already releasing stress hormones to protect us from any perceived or real threat or stress). When we eat unhealthy, it is double-trouble for our mind and body. We don’t need to stop eating all our favorite foods but we can always start replacing one unhealthy food item with something which is healthier and also tastes better. We have plenty of options these days!

Please be mindful of how it feels when we eat our favorite food and how to use the sense of taste to help us relax and feel better!!

Next Sunday, I’ll share about the sense of touch!

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~Using Sense of Sound to De-Stress~

Suruchi Saini, MA, LPC, NCC, CCTP

Continuing from last week, sharing a little about our five senses and how to use them as tools in our daily life. Today I am writing about the sense of Sound.

As part of human evolution, our ancestors have relied on the sense of sound to protect themselves from the multitude of dangers. Today, we can use the sense of sound to protect ourselves from the epidemic of 21st century – Stress.

Music helps but not always:

Most of us enjoy music but not all of us are aware how music affect us. We may think that our favorite music always helps us, but not necessarily. It might stimulate us when we need to calm down, or it might slow us down when we need to be active.

A quick trick for you:

While listening to a song, pay attention to the lyrics and the feelings they bring. Then move your attention to the instruments being played in the background. Once you begin to hear the instruments distinctly, follow any one of the instruments for next few minutes. This simple trick will reduce your immediate stress, relax your mind, and help you focus on the matter at hand. It’ll be like a quick meditation. Sounds fair?

Brain imaging shows that music stimulates parts of the brain (2011 Drexel University study) and helps in reducing anxiety and stress!

Few more ways of using sense of Sound to de-stress, take time out to:

  • Listen to the birds in the morning or evening hours
  • Listen to music with various sounds of water (rain, waves, waterfalls, fountains etc.)
  • Listen wind-chimes playing in soft breeze
  • Play an instrument

Music has been an important part of our history, and is equally important in our present. However it is very important to understand how we are feeling and the kind of music that will help at any particular moment.

Some of my personal favorites for different purposes:

  • Om meditation – for deep connection
  • Before I go by Yanni – for relaxation
  • Tibetan bowls – for self-reflection
  • Requiem by Mozart – for creativity
  • Santoor by Shiv K. Sharma – for pleasure
  • Gayatri Mantra chants – for empowerment

“One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain”- Bob Marley

Next week I’ll share about our sense of smell (Olfactory) to de-stress.

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~ When stressed, use your five senses ~

MSG_Flowers

Today and in next few blogs, I am going to share about how to use our five senses to get some immediate relief from stress.

Stress has become so common these days that we don’t even think twice before using this word in all situations, so much that even our 10 year olds have started using it. It has become part of our daily vocabulary. It was not like this until a few decades back. We were more aware of our thoughts, actions and behavior. Of all the wonderful progress that we have made, also came emotional numbness (of senses). When we don’t experience our senses, we feel partially absent from our own lives and eventually from our family & friends’ lives as well.

Although Yoga philosophy teaches detachment form senses is important for better self-control, yet we need to experience them fully first and then to learn detachment and self-control.

Our five senses – touch, taste, sight, smell, and sound are powerful tools that we carry everywhere with us. We have access to them as needed. “The access” could be a little bit of a challenge though, especially for those of us who are very busy; conditioned to spend our day a certain way; used to ignore our mind and body’s messages.

So how do we start using our senses to gain control? Let’s take an example. Imagine we are in office overloaded with work. We want to focus on the work but can’t maybe because of racing thoughts, feeling anxious, or simply overwhelmed etc. Recognize those feelings and take a time-out by using one of the senses to reduce the stress/anxiety. Let’s begin with the sense which has the closest relation with brain, the sense of sight. Try one or more of the following by:

  • Looking at pictures of a loved one or any inspirational person. Sounds familiar? Yes, it still works
  • Remembering (or if we are too busy then writing and carrying with us) five favorite events/memories from the past and reliving them with our eyes closed when stressed
  • Noticing and counting 8-10 things in our surroundings
  • Looking at something beautiful (pictures, flowers, scenery, stars, moon, birds, babies etc.)
  • Surrounding ourselves with white or yellow color (objects)
  • Watching sunrise or sunset
  • Sitting in a room full of bright light or sitting under clear sky
  • Watching TV for few minutes (I am not a fan of TV but watching it for a few minutes might give us a break and distract us from the problem)

Above are a few examples of using our sense of sight to calm us down within few minutes. Once we achieve the calm state of mind, it makes it easier to refocus and continue.

Try this technique and let me know how it worked for you. Will be happy to answer any question.

Next week I will write how to use sense of smell and touch.

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Anger Management with Mindfulness

Suruchi Saini, MA, LPC, NCC, CCTPWhat is Anger?

First, let’s understand what is Anger. Anger is considered one of the primary emotions along with Happiness, Fear, Love, and Sadness. Anger is a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility. As human beings, we will feel this emotion every now and then just like any other emotion. Its a common problem among us no matter who we are, and which developmental stage of life we are in. Few reasons that make us angry are:

  • unable to express ourselves
  • can’t stand up for ourselves
  • can’t say “No” appropriately
  • feel defeated
  • feel insufficient
  • feel rejected
  • feel disrespected

It is important to understand the three ways that we manifest anger before we learn to manage it with the help of Mindfulness:

  1. Physical expression:  muscles tensing, racing  heart, having high blood pressure, and breathing heavily
  2. Cognitive expression: Perceiving and thinking about our experiences in inappropriate ways, feeling of unfairness or that wrong was done to us (“I deserved better”)
  3. Behavioral expression: Slamming doors, clenching fists, raising our voice, or any other threatening gesture

There is nothing wrong with feeling angry due to a real or perceived negative action of others, after all it is a primary emotion. However, the inability to recognize anger and manage it appropriately (response vs reaction) is unacceptable. This emotion surfaces whenever there is a trigger in our surrounding. We have to figure out a way to recognize these triggers (and their root causes). Mindfulness can surely help!!

Mindfulness

Do you ever wonder how certain individuals remain calm or in control? I can tell you that those people have been practicing Mindfulness as a tool to respond to their triggers along with other coping skills. They have also made mindful efforts to build their self-esteem. We can do that as well!

Practicing mindfulness is being aware of ourselves, our surroundings and others; it’s one of the best tools to keep calm and stay in control. Read more about Mindfulness in my previous blog.

Being mindful we understand the difference between our reaction or response to any trigger. An example of a response, when angry instead of flipping out or harming ourselves or others, we can remove ourselves from the situation or/and  talk to a reliable person. We feel better while venting and eventually can focus on our problems, dissect them, and find solutions. On the other hand, when we mindlessly react, we loose control on ourselves and eventually the situation makes us angrier. Many cases of accidents, road rage, crime, abuse, or violence are result of mismanaged anger. We can manage it by practicing Mindfulness in our daily lives.

Mindfulness helps us get in touch with ourselves and recognizing that we may not be managing the emotion of anger. If you have already recognized it then you will want to know what are the triggers causing anger. Once you are clear, start working on yourself Mindfully. Look for antidotes for your triggers, reach out for help, and practice mindfulness by slowing down; observing; meditating and remembering to use coping skills until they become your habit.

Feel free to email me if you have any questions or comments.