Holistic Bonfire

Suruchi Saini, MA, LPC, CCTP, TMHP, CYT

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Perfectionist Tendencies and How to Cope with Them

Perfectionism is a person’s desire to achieve flawlessness. It is often accompanied by setting impossibly high standards, and being overly self-critical if those standards are not met. There are both positive and negative aspects of perfectionism, as we saw in the first post of this two-post series, but when it becomes too controlling or too pervasive, it’s important to curb perfectionist tendencies.

Are you a Perfectionist?

PhD Max Belkin says that “perfectionism often stems from childhood experiences with primary caregivers.” Parents especially can become exceedingly dedicated to raising highly accomplished children, and then be critical of their children when they fall below those standards.

Regardless of how you were raised or what you encountered during your formative years, there are many signs that indicate if you’re a perfectionist:

  • You’re quick to find fault in others, yet you also get defensive when you’re criticized.
  • You’re extremely eager to please.
  • You have an all-or-nothing attitude; either you excel in something or you don’t bother with it in the first place.
  • You don’t think there’s room for error.
  • You’re incredibly specific about how things should be done.
  • You procrastinate, waiting for the “right” moment to start something.
  • You set nearly unattainable goals.
  • You become depressed if you fail to achieve your objectives.
  • You often spend much longer on a task than is needed in an effort to perfect it.
  • You aren’t happy even when you succeed; there’s always more to accomplish.

How to Tame Your Perfectionist Ways

If you identified with a number of the common attributes of a person with perfectionist tendencies, there are many steps you can take to cope with this trait. Few of them are following:

  • Acknowledge your positive attributes: make a list of healthy relationships you’re cultivated, things you like about yourself, and meaningful experiences you’ve had.
  • Build relationships with people who value family and community over money, status, and tangible items, the latter of which are commonly seen in an all-or-nothing light.
  • Try to squash the idea that it’s all or nothing, and tell yourself it’s okay to not be the best at something in order to garner respect.
  • Set time limits to help curb your penchant for procrastinating, and know that spending too much time on one thing means you’ll have less time to work on another.
  • Focus on being more patient when others make mistakes, which will likely help you shed your fear of being criticized by others as well as the habit of being overly self-critical when you happen to error.

Looking Forward

It’s not inherently healthy or unhealthy to strive for the best in whatever you do. When correctly approached, such determination can affect positive results. However, if you’re constantly criticizing yourself for not performing up to your lofty, often unrealistic standards, you may develop self-loathing, anxiety, and depression.

It’s great to set goals, and work hard to achieve them, but make sure they’re realistic. And if you fall short, know that it’s okay, and know that perfectionism is more often an impediment to success than it is a helpful factor.

Do your best by all means and do not forget to appreciate yourself often!

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Nobody’s Perfect, and That’s Awesome!

According to Noah Webster, “perfectionism” is “a personal standard, attitude, or philosophy that demands perfection and rejects anything less.”

While not inaccurate, the dictionary definition does not convey the full depth of the word, its connotations both positive and negative.

In this two-part series, we will look at the different types of perfectionism, how they manifest, signs and symptoms of perfectionism, and how to cope with the consequences that can stem from negative perfectionism.

Is Perfectionism Good or Bad?

Perfectionism is considered by some to be an asset, a healthy motivational tool that helps people achieve success at the highest levels be it in the boardroom, on a Broadway stage, or on an Olympic track.

Conversely, it is deemed by others—including an increasing number of doctors, therapists, psychologists, and others in related fields—to be not only an impediment to success but a precursor to issues that can have wide-reaching effects on an individual.

More and more evidence is being documented that suggests a strong link between perfectionism and negative attitudes and behaviors. For example, after more than twenty years of research, practicing psychologist and University of British Columbia professor Paul Hewiit, PhD, and his colleague, professor of psychology at York University in Toronto Gordon Flett, PhD, have found that “perfectionism correlates with depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and other mental health problems.”

They further argue that while there are different types of perfectionism, no form is without problems.

The Types of Perfectionism

Many researchers, like psychologist Kenneth Rice, PhD, who has written studies for the Journal of Cognitive Psychotherapy, believe there are two kinds of perfectionism: adaptive and maladaptive.

Adaptive perfectionism is considered to be “normal” and healthy, a trait where one gets satisfaction from achievements attained through hard work while allowing for the inevitable imperfections that accompany any activity. Adaptive perfectionism can also be viewed as positive perfectionism, in which the person is achievement oriented.

Maladaptive perfectionism is considered to be unhealthy, and is seen in someone who has high personal performance standards and the tendency to be highly self-critical. Furthermore, when something does not go according to plan, a maladaptive perfectionist is likely to develop negative thoughts and feelings. It can also be viewed as negative perfectionism, in which the person is driven by the fear of failure.

Hewitt and Flett believe that while “winning”—be it in sporting, academic, or business endeavors—is important to adaptive and maladaptive perfectionists, failing to do so is considerably more stressful for the latter than it is for the former.

Research shows that such stress can result in consequences such as low self-esteem, Anxiety, and Depression—sometimes so severe that the final result is suicide.

How Perfectionism Manifests Itself

Some perfectionists feel the need to be error-free because of perceived social pressures. They think others will value them only if they are perfect. If they fail to perform to that standard, they can become depressed and suicidal more easily than, say, people who are “other-oriented” perfectionists.

Other-oriented people are not without their struggles, though. What most often presents in them is the tendency to require perfection from their family members, friends, and colleagues. Intimate relationships in particular often suffer when at least one of the partners has this type of perfectionism.

Self-oriented perfectionists, for reasons that are still not entirely clear, are internally motivated to be perfect. People in this group can be fine in low-stress situations but can readily become anxious when serious issues arise. They often have mental health problems, particularly eating disorders and chronic stress.

The Problems with Perfectionism

For many perfectionists, life is a constant evaluation of their own accomplishments, looks, status, etc. It is often a surefire route to low self-worth and unhappiness. Perfectionists tend to have inner voices that call them lazy, useless, or not good enough when they fail to fulfill their standards, whether those standards are self-imposed or imposed by others.

Perfectionists can lead lives in which they’re regularly afraid of private shame or public humiliation for not meeting their own or other’s unrealistic expectations. Often, this can result in high Stress, Anxiety, Depression, and Anorexia in many female self-oriented perfectionists, and even suicide.

What’s Next?

The first steps to correcting a problem are accepting and understanding the problem. With the knowledge of what perfectionism is and how it can manifest in different ways, the next post will provide guidance for how to cope with perfectionist tendencies so that they do not lead to adverse mental and physical health issues.

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How Music Affects the Brain – Part 3

TulipsThe Physical Benefits

There is a wealth of evidence that shows the positive influences music has on our mental and emotional states. In this third and final post on the wonderful benefits of music, we’ll look at how it affects us on a physical level.

Music Enhances Exercise

In 1911, a researcher named Leonard Ayres discovered that when bicyclists listened to music, they pedaled faster than they did when they heard only silence. It has since been determined that music has the ability to drown out that inner voice that tells us we’re tired, which can let us work out longer and at higher intensities.

Furthermore, listening to music while exercising can help the body use energy in a more efficient manner. A study conducted in 2012 revealed that bicyclists who listened to music required seven percent less oxygen to do the same amount of work as when they rode in silence. Listening to upbeat music specifically can help your body find more energy.

Finally, music typically reduces muscle tension and improves body movement and coordination, which can enable us to enjoy a broader range of exercise and physical activities.

Less Pain for Music Fans

According to a recent study published in the Journal of Advanced Nursing, “listening to music can reduce chronic pain from a range of painful conditions, including osteoarthritis, disc problems and rheumatoid arthritis, by up to twenty-one percent.”

Moreover, music can help minimize the sensation and distress of chronic pain and postoperative pain. It can also lower the intensity, frequency and duration of migraines and chronic headaches.

“Heart and Soul” is good for the Heart and Soul

Music is heart-healthy, according to research. Based on the musical tempo rather than the style, songs have the capacity to increase or decrease our heart rates. When Italian and British researchers played lively music to young men and women, the participants had higher heart and breathing rates. When they listened to slower, more relaxing music, their heart and breathing rates dropped to mimic the tempo. During random two-minute pauses, the heart and breathing rates of the participants returned to normal.

In addition, The American Society of Hypertension claims that “listening to just thirty minutes of classical, Celtic or raga music every day may significantly reduce high blood pressure”.

Make Music Part of Your Life

Music can help make you physically, mentally, and emotionally healthier. It can increase your concentration, memory recall, productivity, happiness, learning ability, and exercise performance. From babies to seniors, the benefits of listening to or playing music on a routine basis are numerous. It’s not too early or too late to learn how to play an instrument or to incorporate more music into your life.

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Liberation Again

Suruchi Saini, MA, LPC, NCC, CCTP
The morning calmness stills me

The life begins again,

A new beginning, a new thought

Feel like a new person again,

Someone stands up for a cause

A new leader is born again,

Someone apologizes genuinely

Love is retained again,

Someone forgives someone

Freedom of human spirit returns again,

Someone comes back to a dear one

A relationship is restored again,

A child is born somewhere

A mother is born, again,

Have achieved the status of an adult

I am a child’s spirit again,

When someone reconnects with nature

It takes my breath away again,

One more time I feel the bliss

Sun, Air, Water, Earth, and Fire are beautiful again,

It’s a new day

And it’s full of life again.

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How Music Affects the Brain – Part 2

The Mental Benefits

The role of music in one’s life is an important one. As noted in the most recent post, there are several emotional benefits to playing and listening to music, whether it’s bright and happy, slow and relaxed, or sometimes even somber.

And, since music engages every part of the brain, there are also numerous ways it mentally enhances us.

Handpicked Songs Increase Productivity

Hearing music, especially that selected by the listener, has been shown to boost performance in the workplace (as well as in the world of academia).

Studies have documented that office employees who choose their own music are likely to finish tasks faster and devise better solutions than their colleagues who are not allowed to listen to their preferred type of music.

Having Trouble Paying Attention?

A correlation has been made between listening to tranquil classics or relaxing music and an increase in the length and strength of concentration regardless of the listener’s age or ability level.

Although it has not yet been determined which kind of music is best, or what musical environment is required, a number of studies have noted the connection between music and attention span.

A Lesson in Music

Whether music is taught in school or at home, it can help students improve their test scores and language development as well as increase their spatial intelligence (understanding how things work together).

Learning music at an early age promotes brain plasticity (the brain’s capacity to change and grow), and children who study music have been shown to perform better in reading, math, and language arts than their non-musical peers. As few as four years of music lessons has been linked to increased brain functionality, even when tested forty years later.

A study conducted on babies who were not yet old enough to walk or talk revealed that those who listened to nursery rhymes and were shown how to play drums smiled more often and communicated better than infants who were not given music lessons.

How’s Your Memory?

Songs, especially those composed by Mozart, have the power to affect memory. A pattern of sixty beats per minute—which defines a considerable amount of baroque music—concurrently stimulates the left and right brain, an action that maximizes the retention of information. Furthermore, playing an instrument, and singing, simultaneously engages each side of the brain, allowing the brain to better process information.

Studies have shown that particular types of music are adept at helping listeners recall memories. Material learned while listening to a certain song can often be recalled simply by thinking of that song.

Does Age Matter?

Music has been shown to improve memory performance in people of all ages. The benefits of musical training at a young age are plentiful, and clear evidence exists that children who study music develop better memories than their peers who go without music lessons.

Perhaps more interesting, though, is that seniors who take up an instrument for the first time or who regularly sing and dance reap great psychological rewards. That’s because music has been shown to ward off memory problems and cognitive decline more than most other activities.

So now we know music can boost our spirits, increase our memory retention and recall, and helps us be more productive. In the third installment of this three-part series on how music affects the brain, we’ll explore the many physical benefits attributed to listening to and playing music.